


Mindfulness (Nil/reader)

by Scribe_of_planes



Series: Old One Reader Story [2]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Also I hope my sense of humor is coherent, Eh if it sucks tell me it sucks, F/M, I keep thinking of the part in 1984 where the mc just...reads a book, Just some fluff and friendship (though could become romance) between nil and reader, M/M, Old one!reader, Reader is an old one btw, Reader-Insert, Spare kudos? Spare kudos ma'am?, and mentions of death, and that things aren't too ooc, but character development is technically ooc isn't it?, ends happy!, gets a lil sad though, if you liked it leave a keysmash and some kudos please I beg, in the book you're already reading, like if you've seen the Goonies you're fine, teen rating is only for very mild language, there's a little lesson on mindfulness that I hope isn't too boring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe_of_planes/pseuds/Scribe_of_planes
Summary: When Nil had invited you to a “surprise", you weren't sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't a duel to the death. It doesn't help any that you're incredibly afraid of heights.





	Mindfulness (Nil/reader)

You tried to remember exactly what it was Nil had said to you. He clearly said to meet him by "the Spearshafts", an outcropping of rocks that stuck out of the ground like broken sticks. Which you now realized is exactly what the shafts of spears are made of. The Carja aren't particularly creative with their names, but you would be lying if you said they weren't efficient.

  
The rest of his request was a little foggy in your mind. Hadn’t he said he wanted to show you something? No, that wasn’t it. He said he had- he had... He had a surprise! Yes, he had said he had a surprise for you at the top of a particular cliff near the Spearshafts. Knowing Nil, whatever his idea of a “surprise” was , it likely wasn’t the same as yours. What he planned to surprise you with tied your stomach in knots, but not nearly as much as the prospect of climbing a sheer rock face. It was moments like these you wished you had done more varying exercises before you were frozen. At least you had practiced archery.

  
As you trekked through the Jungle you listened carefully for the sound of pneumatic joints or metal claws on rock, checking the overgrowth with your Focus every now and again. The machines always gave you mixed feelings, on the one hand, hooray, Hephaestus was operational, on the other, Heph was out to kill you and every human on the planet.

  
As if on cue a flock of glinthawks screamed as they flew overhead. You pressed yourself up against the nearest tree and kept still. You used your Focus to keep your eyes locked on to their bodies. Glinthawks were certainly one of your least favorite machines, and you groaned as you realized their favorite place to roost was the tops of cliffs, like the very one you were headed to. Oh well, at least you were prepared.

  
Your mind couldn’t help but wander to one of the more memorable times you were unprepared. Coincidentally, it was also the day you met Nil.  
You were out scavenging for machine parts, and unbeknownst to you your reputation for “The awoken Old One” had spread pretty far. This was how you were captured by a group of bandits who wanted their own machine army. Luckily for you, Nil had arrived on scene, and just in time too, you were just about to run out of insults and “your mom”s. He was impressed by your fighting and invited you to a few other camps, The last one was where he invited you to this “surprise”.

  
Back to the present, you had reached the bottom of the mesa, and there was no place to go but up. You scanned for glinthawks and saw none, there was nothing to do but pull up your big kid pants and climb. It was a slow start, but once you got momentum the climb wasn’t as hard as you feared. You tried to focus on the sound of the shards in your backpack clinking against your canteen instead of the dust clinging to your nostrils, or how much your hands hurt, or how you were incredibly afraid of heights, or how- oh look you made it to the top.

  
You pulled your body over with a great huff and stood up. About thirty feet away was Nil, who had turned his head to look at you.

  
“Afternoon, or rather, evening. It took you long enough.”

  
“Yeah well,” You tried not to pant as you defended yourself. “You could have picked somewhere that wasn’t the top of a cliff.” He turned back forward and gestured to the scene in front of him, “But if I had done that, we wouldn’t have this wonderful view.” You stepped to look closer and stopped cold at the sight of two bodies hidden half-assedly in the grass. “Bandits?” You asked. “Intruders.” Nil clarified, as if that helped at all, but at this point you had learned not to question him, and you had decided you didn’t really care, as long as the bodies didn’t smell.

  
You set your bag down next to what appeared to be the rusted remains of a radio tower, and sat down next to it. You followed Nil’s gaze to the jungle below and smiled, “You’re right, it’s quite the scene you’ve got here.” You dug your canteen out of your pack and took a swig of the water inside. You offered Nil some and he refused, so you put it back. “Was this the surprise you had in mind?”

  
Nil shook his head and stood up, offering his hand to stand you up as well. “No, no, I had something much more extravagant planned. This is merely the backdrop for what will be a truly legendary performance. The stakes are high, and very, very dangerous.” You furrowed your brow, “Nil, what the hell are you talking about?” He chuckled, but it didn’t put you at ease. “What am I talking about? I’m saying we should try to kill each other!”

  
You were shocked and took a step back as you sputtered, “Excuse me?” “That’s right,” Nil said, “How about we try to kill each other? It will be a fantastic battle, I’m sure you are a much better opponent than a half-starved bandit.” You couldn’t believe your ears. “Nil, there’s no way I’m going to try and kill you, I don’t have a death wish.” He stepped forward, “But you could win, and wouldn’t that be a story to tell!” You shook your head, “Nil! Why would I want that? How could I possibly want either end result?”  
Nil looked puzzled, as if killing your friend wasn’t a popular pastime. “What do you mean, ‘either end result’?” “I mean that I don’t want you dead, and I don’t want to be dead either. Nil, did you even think about this? Do you really want me dead? If so then I must have seriously misread some signals.”

  
He looked crestfallen, “No I-” He lowered his head, “I hadn’t thought. I don’t want you dead.” You were a little relieved, and you tried to lighten the mood, “Well you don’t want to be dead, do you?” you chuckled. He didn’t answer and your smile fell. “Do you?”

  
He cleared his throat and looked up into the sky, “I must have been so caught up in the thrill of battle, of blood on my blade and a scream in my throat, that I had not thought of the consequences.” You sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve known people like you before.” He slowly lowered his gaze to match yours, and he didn’t seem like he believed you. “Like me how?” You struggled for the right words, “They fight the silence because they don’t want to hear what it has to say.” He raised a finger to you, “That isn’t true, many hunts are silent, with only the sound of the blood in my ears for company.” “But you’re hunting nonetheless. You move from battle to battle to keep your mind on what you want it to think about. I believe you may be afraid of the more complicated thoughts that lurk below the bloodshed.” He stepped away and your hand fell back to your side. “I haven’t had the time, with all the bandit hunting.” He said. “You haven’t made time, but there’s time now.” You gestured at the ashen remains of a fire, which had a log laying a few feet away.

  
After a moment that felt like ages, Nil slowly nodded and sat down with his back against the log, and you sat next to him on his left. He sighed and stared at the ground, “Now what, do I give you my sob story?” “You don’t have to tell me everything, not if you don’t want to.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t even know where to begin.” “Then, may I speak?” He nodded, so you continued. “It seems to me like you throw yourself into dangerous situations, with little care for the outcome. You put your life at risk for the sheer thrill of it. There’s a difference between being an adrenaline junkie and having a death wish.” He looked up at you. “What’s an ‘adrenaline junkie’?” “Oh it’s- how do I put this? It’s someone who chases that feeling of excitement, as you do, though usually it isn’t so.. Deadly.”

  
He nodded. “That sounds right. Ever since the Red Raids, I’ve had this energy, like my senses are heightened. But when I try to stop, It’s as though the world crashes on my shoulders, and I never want to move again. So I keep it up.” He threw his arms into his lap. “I’ve spent so long being a killer, I became afraid to think I didn’t want to be one.” There was a long pause, and you took the time to notice that the air had begun to cool, and a few crickets had begun their evening’s song. “Can you help me?” His voice had been so sudden you hadn’t quite processed what he said. “Can you help me care again? Can you make me a man who doesn’t ask every person he meets to a fight to the death? Can you make me worth caring for?” You smiled softly and rested your hand on his upper arm. “I can sure try.”

  
He looked at you expectantly. And you realized what he wanted, “Oh you mean right now! Yeah okay, that’s fine. Umm. How about a practice in mindfulness? Copy me.” You sat cross legged and Nil followed suit, though he was confused. “Mindfulness?” he asked. “Mindfulness.” You clarified, as if that helped at all, but at this point he had learned not to question you. “Mindfulness,” You continued. “Is a way of clearing your mind to allow yourself to be in the present. It’s very therapeutic and it works for me, so I figured why not give it a shot? Follow me. Sit up as straight as is comfortable. Close your eyes. We’ll start by relaxing the body, and then move on to the mind. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth.” You demonstrated and he followed along, you took the chance to sneak a peek at him, and sure enough he was sitting straight as a board with his eyes closed. You chuckled, “You don’t need to be so tense, I’m not judging you. Let’s continue. Keep breathing, but focus on the air, how does it travel through your body? Now, we’re going to relax.” Nil snorted, “Only now?” he joked. “Yes. Now, we’re going to work our way down. Unclench your jaw. Now, release the tension from your shoulders, and let them fall. Unclench your fists if you have them balled up. Search your body for any more tension, and with each exhale, let it go.” You paused to give him time. “Ready for the next step?” you asked. “Ready.” Nil confirmed.

  
So you continued. “This next part is the hardest, and most important. You have to clear your mind of all thoughts. This isn’t achieved by harshly shutting everything out. When a distraction enters your mind, acknowledge it, and move on. Never feel guilty about a thought or distraction you have during this process. If you find a thought unwilling to leave, work through it, but don’t dwell, before sending it on its way.” You heard a shuddering breath next to you, so you slowly looked over at Nil, and saw a single tear roll down his cheek. “Do you want to stop? If you’re too upset we don’t have to continue.” His eyes snapped open and he quickly rubbed away the tear and turned away from you. You sighed. “You shouldn’t be ashamed you know, crying is completely natural.” He shook his head and mumbled, “Men don’t cry.” You gently reached for his shoulder and pulled him back around to face you. “That’s ridiculous. Now, perhaps there are times when one wants to keep their feelings to themselves, but that time isn’t now. Listen, there are… substances in our minds, that make us feel emotions, such as happiness, sadness, or anger. Sometimes, there’s too much, and it leaks out. That’s all crying is. It’s healthy to cry, and I encourage it.”

  
He met your gaze, and he seemed to take your words to heart. “Don’t be offended if I don’t burst into tears in front of you.” You smiled. “I won’t be.” He lifted his hand, as though on the verge of action, “Do you mind if I-” He wrapped his arms around you and took a deep breath. You squeezed back. “I don’t mind at all. And Nil?” “Hmm?” “You were always a man worth caring for.”

  
The light grew dim as the sun began to dip below the horizon, and the two of you watched the sunset in silence. When the last rays of light disappeared, a thought struck you. “How are we going to get down?” Nil laughed, “I guess we’re in for a night together Old One."

**Author's Note:**

> When will I learn how to write dialogue? Don't forget to leave kudos, it keeps me improving!


End file.
